10/23/05 10:36:00 - Mourning

For the first time in a while, I just sat down and wept over Lily. Sometimes I wonder when it will stop hurting. Other times I wonder what I will do if it ever really does stop hurting. I rather think that would be even more painful. I think I have more faith now than I did just after she died (or even before, for that matter). But while I have more hope in seeing her again (someday) I don’t think it makes it hurt any less. I am, however better able to deal with it. At least I think I am. I have been much happier lately than I have been in quite some time.
Here’s an interesting thought, though. One inspired teacher described two of the duties of Christians as being ready to “mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort”. I don’t think I realized this until the closing days of last year, or the opening days of this year. But it’s interesting that he didn’t say, “Comfort those that mourn”. He said that we should mourn with them. One thing that I’ve learned through painful experience is that while both are important, they need to be done at the right time. To everything there is a season, as they say.

Right after Lily died, I needed to mourn. Anyone who tried to comfort me just seemed to be pouring salt in the wound. I knew they meant well, but it didn’t ease the sting of their well-intentioned words. The worst is when people say, “I know how hard this is for you,” or “I know what you’re going through” or things like that. It took large amounts of self-control to not reach out and strangle them while yelling, “NO, YOU DON’T!”

While I still have times where I just need to mourn, I’m a lot better at looking for silver linings now than I was ten months ago. I know I’m an awful lot better at appreciating them. So my hope is that some day when someone needs someone to mourn with them, I’ll be able to do it. And then, maybe, when they’re ready for comfort I’ll be able to help guide them towards that, too.

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